Altena-tive Universe of Noir
by unitedplanetsfederation
Summary: Altena and /u/1132823/PekoeArt proudly present totally crazy Noir parody, based mostly on fanfiction. Everything is possible. EVERYTHING. To the chapter one and two, we invited a guest character from /s/7636934/1/Noir Resurrection Updated with chapter two, where we learn about Altena's trainings in the past and also, how she had become The Kind Mother.
1. SPLASH!

There was a beautiful evening in the Manor. The sun was hiding behind the vineyard, making the green fields of bliss looking even more magical. Two women sat there, together, on the terrace. The angelic blonde one leaned over the dark-haired impressive brunette, letting the hand of her mistress and mentor and lover hold her by the waist. For a very long time they didn't have such a wonderful, peaceful moment.

"SSSSSSPLASH!"

"Mother Irene! Altena! I am so sorry!"

The brunette tensed, breathless, water dropping all over her face and freshly washed and combed hair.

"Altena. Getting them to the Grand Retour may be harder than you think."

"Forgive them, my love, they are so little children…" The gentle hand wiped the water from her face and gave her a soft, tender kiss in the lips. Slowly, the slender fingers around Altena relaxed. The blonde could take a breath again. "Thank heavens for that" she thought, as her face was turning blue already.

The little japanese girl, still holding the water pistol, stood there, silently, staring at them with her big, innocent eyes.

"It wasn't my idea." She confessed finally.

"Not true." The cherry-color haired, smaller girl, appeared from behind her back.

"True. You told me to aim at Mother…"

"I did not!"

They whispered a little bit too loudly.

"My Beloved Irene," said Altena quickly, "how about we take a bath?" She raised her eyebrow meaningfully, very meaningfully. The queen-like brunette wasn't capable of saying no. Holding hand, in perfect serenity again, they headed towards the lake.

As they walked hand in hand, close to each other, Irene got more and more excited. Her fingers started caressing Altena's palm, wandering up to her wrist, before she tightly embraced her for a short kiss.

Arriving at the lake, she smiled with hot anticipation, while taking off her clothes, not letting Altena out of her sight. While the blonde was smiling softly, concentrating on opening the buttons closing her dress, she noticed but the slightest of sound behind her.

*taptaptaptaptap* and before she could turn around, two little whirlwinds- one dark, one purple- rushed between them with a joyful giggle and jumped into the water.

*SPLASH*

This time Irene had faster reflexes and she backed off just enough to not get a single drop of water on her.

She turned to Altena as she spoke with hardly repressed frustration: "Tell me, when did you plan on sending them on their first mission again?"

But instead of getting an answer from the blonde she felt a little hand grabbing her wrist. When she looked down she saw Chloe's face looking at her with a gap-toothed smile.

"What is it, Chl-"BLUBBBBLBLB….


	2. Shooting Lessons

Shooting lessons.

It was another beautiful day in the Manor. On the plain, heavenly green field there was a human size dummy, made of wood. It was the latest "art-work" of the village children and its purpose was very, very important for the world. It became a training target for the future best-world assassin. Or so everybody hoped.

Two slender figures in long, floating robes, headed towards it. One, the angelic blonde teenager and the other, impressive brunette in her thirties, holding a gun in one hand, embracing the waist of the blonde by the other.

"Today, my beloved Altena, you will start learning how to use the gun."

The girl looked at Mother Irene with joy and much of enthusiasm, very excited. Soon, she was handled a revolver. She grabbed it joyfully, turning in her hands with curiosity, pointing the muzzle at her face.

"Aaaltena!"

Irene froze and quickly took the weapon from the girl's hand.

"The other way around, my Love."

"Sorry..." The girl said apologetically and this time aimed it forward. Irene placed herself behind her. Just in case. She counted down.

"Three, two, one..."

BANG!

Altena dropped the revolver and lost her balance. She fell back on Irene, who, too much surprised to keep the position, fell heavily on the ground.

"Ouch..."

There were little rocks on the ground so the experience didn't belong to pleasant ones. It was a shame, from one side, having Altena on her was quite nice on the other hand... But back to the mission. Irene composed herself.

As they walked to the dummy, it appeared to be untouched.

"Where did you shoot exactly, my dearest one?" She asked with the slight concern.

Altena's face turned into sweet and sad expression at the same time, and then she raised her big, beautiful violet eyes at Irene and joined her hands in the prayer position.

"I don't know..." She whispered, with this angelic voice that was always making Irene instantly crazy about her.

She straigtened herself and took a deep breath.

"Let's try again, shall we?"

She led her back to the shooting point, but this time she moved it twenty meter closer.

"Three, two..."

"Look! A bird! Hello, pretty bird!"

Irene sighed. A little cute bird with a reddish belly indeed circled over them and landed... on the dummy's head.

"I cannot shoot now!" The girl turned to Irene. Who, very quickly took the gun from her hand again, as she was holding it dangerously in her direction. For a while she very much felt like shooting the bird herself but that would make her "angel" sad. So she closed to the dummy.

"Go away! Shoooo!"

The bird chirped cheerfully, made a few circles in the air and returned to the dummy, as it apparently found something to eat in the wooden "head". Irene felt her fists clenching, but then, she looked at Altena, who stared at her, and the bird, and her again, with sparkling eyes and amazement making her lips lightly open. Irene's entire body melted at this view.

"Let's call it a day. We will continue the training tomorrow early morning. Well, maybe not that early. Or at Noon. Tomorrow anyway."

She embraced Altena's waist and they walked slowly towards the Manor.

The next day, it was a beautiful Afternoon when they approached the "training field". To Irene's relief, there was no bird on the dummy's head. She handled the gun to Altena, who, focused and clearly determined, clenching her teeth, reminded, how she had promised herself to please her mentor (as she did last night).

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

"Altenaaaa, stop! You're wasting the bullets!" Irene held her hand.

"But I wanted to be sure I hit the target!" She explained, proudly showing a hole in the dummy's arm.

"You need to aim more precisely, my love. Come on, you can do it."

And so it was, for the next two weeks. In which Altena practiced every Morning, (well, Afternoon) and finally, she was about to shoot the dummy from the twenty meters distance. Irene was delighted.

"It is time for your first mission, my Dearest One! And I already have the target for you."

She proudly showed her the photo of a middle aged man, who was supposed to be an ex soldier with a list of commited crimes.

"He changed his name and lives in Paris now. But we tracked him down and found a perfect place for assassination. Which will be done by you, my Chosen One. Oh, I am so looking forward to this!" Speaking this, Irene moved her hands along Altena's neck and chest, feeling increasing excitement. The violet eyes of the girl shone. She would do absolutely anything, to fullfill her task. But...

"The tickets for "The Phantom Of the Opera" in Paris Opera House? Are you sure that it is a proper place for the secret assassination? I thought such a mission should be in a less public area..."

"And that's the trick, my Love! A Soldats assassin needs to be clever. Nobody would ever expect a killer in the opera house, right? It is much better than hiding on the roof with a sniper riffle, we are not "Leon The Professional" after all. Right?

Altena still felt doubtful, but she would never loose her faith in Mother Irene. If she said, nobody would see her shooting a man in the Paris Opera House, it must have been true, then. Besides, she just loved musicals!

Two days later they both, wearing expencive, formal dresses, entered the opera house. Irene's was black, tight and low-necked, revealing her cleavage. Altena, dressed in white, innocent school girl knee-long dress, this time with two braids instead of one, looked purely angelic. And had trouble breathing every time she looked at Irene. She was already waiting for their night in the hotel. Irene had promised her a reward after all. But back to the mission.

Irene got them one of the best seats in the entire house. The elegant lodge belonged to the line of these expencive balconies around the theatre, separated from each other and giving a wonderful overwiev on the entire stage. And the audience. Their target bought equally expencive ticket and sat with his wife in the similar lodge, one level below theirs, but on the right side of the hall. It gave Altena the distance about twenty meters shooting range, which Irene was very careful to not cross.

But the music was so overwhelming that the young about-to-be-assassin instantly forgot about her mission and stared at the stage. As the Phantom was about to make the first entrance, Irene embraced her waist and leaning over, whispered directly to her ear.

"Now my Love, when the music gets loud."

Altena looked around and took the small revolver from her purse.

"Aim at the head." Irene added and when the strong church organ and percussion played fortissimo, the girl shoot. For a long while, nothing happened. Nobody screamed, nobody fell on the ground. They were sitting anxiously till the end of the first act. Finally, the lights went on for the break. And then, they heard.

"I have a hole in my hat! How could that happen?" The wife of their target stood up and looked at her indeed damaged hat closely. The man also stared at it, frowning. But then, Irene thought with a hint of panic, where was the bullet? That question remained unanswered.

During the secone act Altena waited for the proper music again. As the culmination started and the "Phantom" sung "The Point of no Return", she tried again. In the very moment she wanted to pull the trigger, their target stood up. Altena also raised her hand up to not loose the head and shot. Many things happened at the same time. The man spotted her. But before he could react, an incredible noise came from the ceiling. The huge chandelier swang dangerously and started to fall down. The audience panicked. Before the situation got too dangerous, Irene pulled her out of the balcony and ordered to hide in the toilet.

Two hours later they shot the target from the roof. With the sniper riffle.

"You always have to have a backup plan, my Dearest One."

In the hotel it took Irene half of the night to calm Altena down. "Indeed, something must be done", she thought.

Two days later, they again sat in the Manor's terrace, enjoying the heavenly warm weather, looking on the greeen fields around and all the things in their perfect world seemed to come back to their place. Irene was calm and content. Only the previous day, she had sent the proper orders to the Soldats knights and even the newspaper article about the strange chandelier accident in Paris Opera House didn't break her good mood.

"My Love", she said softly. "Your destiny has become clear to me."

Altena opened her lilac eyes wider and stared at her with the usual devotion. She truly looked like an angel.

"You will be the perfect Kind Mother for the Soldats in the future."

"But, wasn't I supposed to be an assassin?" She asked with a hint of surprise.

"Oh, don't worry about it. We will find you assassins to do the work for you."

She kissed her in the lips and returned to the newspaper. Altena's eyes brightened up. In fact, she almost jumped out of joy that she wouldn't have to train the shooting again. Well, maybe at a very close range. May be useful some day.


End file.
